David Foster Wallace once said, “Slap me silly, banana man, these church bells aren’t going to ring themselves around my finger!” I never quite understood what those words I put into his mouth meant until this past weekend when my wife left me in the lobby of C2E2 ’20 to a man dressed as Dr. … Continue reading C2E2 ’20: Losses and Wins
Has Tom King tweeted out again about how he legally cannot accept story ideas, but does not outright call you out by name even though coincidentally minutes prior, you sent him an email pitch to have Batman use the guns he used during his secret service in Iraq? Do you not respect wishes? Do you … Continue reading Top 5 Ways to Send Unsolicited Pitches To Your Favorite Creators That Technically Skirt Their Legal Plea to Please Stop Sending Them
Are comic creators gaslighting you for not wanting to support their sub par comic for $5? Are they making you feel bad because the business they work for doesn't give a shit about completed, collected stories? Are jilted comic creators putting the pressure on you as to why it's 10 times easier to read their … Continue reading 5 Ways To Support Whiny Pissbaby Comic Professionals
In three straight weeks, Hickman has started X-Men with a bang, just like my reignited marriage with my wife. As a thank you for communicating to me to keep erect through thrusting into my wife, here are the top 10 moments that helped me stay erect while thrusting into my wife. 10. This is Hickman … Continue reading Top 10 Moments in Hickman’s First 3 Weeks of X-Men That Helped Me Stay Erect While Thrusting into My Wife.
Unlike the Snyder Cut, Marvel gave us every piece of film shot for Avengers: Endgame. Here are the Top 5 best ones that were not best enough to make the final cut. 5. 2012 Steve Rogers shows his whole asshole in that scene where he fights his future self. This was cut because the … Continue reading Top 5 Scenes Cut from The Avengers: Endgame Now Available on Home Video
Close your eyes, dear comic fans, this is biz talk for the professionals. . . . . . . . . . . . Ok now its just us. Welcome, people with poor postures and early on set arthritis! Comics is a cut throat industry filled with poor hygiene and performance artists, but you have … Continue reading Top 5 Ways To Deal With Selling Out Your Morals In The Comic Book Industry
What up, turds! The police are confiscating my phone, so here's what I think you should get from San Diego Comic Con this year. From me or whomever, but I need the bail money. 10.This churro I stole from Scott Snyder’s breast pocket when I told him “What’s that over there?” Coincidentally, I ended … Continue reading Top 10 Hot, Rare Exclusives To Pick Up At SDCC This Year.
It is the day after the Fourth of July and if you're like me, you didn't let many, many children packed into dirty detention centers ruin a fun time to celebrate our eradication of the indigenous people of this land. 😎 Speaking of packing! I made too many fucking hotdogs because my wife, Borat voice,'s … Continue reading Top 10 Comics to Wrap Up All the Loose Hotdogs from Yesterday
The line at the taco truck is taking longer than expected and my parking meter is running low. So, my EIC said if I make a list article, he'll throw me a whole quarter. Which is 15 cents more than what they pay at CBR. Without further ado, here is a list you wont read … Continue reading Top 10 Mutants Who May Or May Not Wash Their Hands