Top 5 Ways to Send Unsolicited Pitches To Your Favorite Creators That Technically Skirt Their Legal Plea to Please Stop Sending Them

Has Tom King tweeted out again about how he legally cannot accept story ideas, but does not outright call you out by name even though coincidentally minutes prior, you sent him an email pitch to have Batman use the guns he used during his secret service in Iraq? Do you not respect wishes? Do you have ideas but lack the know-how and talent to do anything about? Do you want to see comic professionals squirm? Here are 5 ways to push story ideas into creator’s hands that squirm past their established boundaries.

5. Bait and Switch


Place a manila envelope filled with papers that says “Health Insurance” on the cover in their eye line, and when they hunch and crawl in agony toward it, quickly run up and hand them your stapled pitch to have Wolverine also be the Hulk.


4. Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing


Sneak into the meager property of the comic creator with an envelope called “Freelance Check” and wait. When they finally come out and see that their years overdue bill has been paid by the client, Bam! You take off the sheep costume you had on and give them your stapled pitch to have Flash actually be his own ancestor.


3. Sky Writer


Hire a plane person to spell out in the sky. Now, here you’ll have to make sure that the comic creator can see the sky for this to work, which may be hard since comic creators tend to dwell in windowless goblin hobbles. Make sure the plane is a rickety one that makes a lot of noise so they look up as the plane man spells. As they are distracted and looking at the twirls of the plane and the cloudy letters, run up and hand them your stapled pitch to have Cyclops shoot lasers from other orifices too.


2. Inception It


Wait until they’re sleeping and bring in your crack team of dream hijackers. This may be hard. Not for finding a crack team of dream hijackers and the means to pay them, but to wait for the comic creator to find time to sleep. Eventually during the week, they will. This is when you will strike. Sneak in your Team and hijack their memory. Once inside, wake them up and hand them your stapled pitch to have Hal Jordan be color blind so he becomes the least racist space cop but also he can use all the spectrum.


1. Before/ After


Pitch, fund, hire, and make it on your own. You don’t even have to go to a small publisher to go under the radar; the big two will do! It is ok if it isn’t very good or will be cancelled before the trade comes out. It just needs to be made. Eventually, your favorite creator will rip it off and do their own spin on it in hopes of making it the highest success for any comic: a movie adaptation. When the time comes to confront the comic creator face to face at a convention that you both are losing money on for stealing your idea, you hand them your stapled pitch to have Ultron reincarnate as cryptocurrency.

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