Time Cops: Investigating Tim Seeley’s Teenage Horizontal Hustle Claims

Time Cops is filmed on location, with the men and women of comic books. All suspects are guilty until proven extra guilty, in a court of the internet.

Earlier this week, writer/artist Tim Seeley took to Twitter to share a picture of his bedroom around 1995, when he was 18 years old and claimed he laid pipe in the room with a poster of The Crow among other items.

Time Cops are here to dig deeper into Seeley’s statement and verify the timeline.

According to Wikipedia, Tim Seeley was born in 1975 in Wisconsin. Seeley claims that he was 18 in 1995, but my calculations put him closer to 20. Though I’ve seen enough episodes of That ’70s Show to learn that Wisconsites from that era are known for their doobie smoking which can impair memory.

To investigate these claims further, it was time for Time Cops to take a trip to the Badger State and badger Seeley’s parents into letting me into his teenage-possibly-non-teenage bedroom.

I arrived at the house of Mr. and Mrs. Seeley on a Tuesday. I knew the Seeleys left for a cruise on Monday thanks to someone anonymously sending them two free cruise tickets which cost me $2,300. Who knew cruises were so expensive?. But the truth is priceless.

I entered the location armed with only my trusty lockpick, a black light for science, and my wits. I found Tim’s room right away due to the poster of Friends hanging on the door. Classic 1995 right there.

I slowly turned the handle to the bedroom and creeped inside. It was like stepping into a time capsule. VHS tapes were scattered on the floor. A scrambled Spice Channel played on a television. A Batman Forever poster above the bed. If only young Tim knew that one day he would work on Batman.

I held the black light out in the center of the room and took a deep breath. Upon turning it on, the entire room lit up brighter than a nuclear reactor. The view was so bright, I lost my eyesight. I don’t believe there was any surface of that room that didn’t light up.

I stumbled out of the room and onto the front lawn, using only my memory to guide me. I’m reporting this while stumbling around small town Wisconsin. If anyone reads this, I could really use a ride back to San Diego.

Does Tim Seeley’s timeline match up? We’re not here to draw conclusions, just layout the facts. It’s up for you, dear reader, to decide. But, gun to my head, I’d say this story is as unlikely as my vision returning.

Stay tuned for the next episode of Time Cops. Same Time Cops Time. Same Time Cops Channel.

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