Bandwagoning: Finding Thor: Love And Thunder’s Valkyrie A Queen

The hot thing right now is taking a popular speculative article and copying it. So without further ado, here’s the Top 10 Queens That Valkyrie Could Court in Thor: Love And Thunder.

In Avengers: Endgame, Valkyrie was crowned King of Asgard by Thor and every King needs a Queen. Actor Jaime Alexander threw her character Sif’s name into the mix, but we’re here to generate content so here’s other Queens Valkyrie could get with in Thor: Love And Thunder.

Elizabeth II

Queen Elizabeth II is the longest-lived and longest-reigning British monarch as well as the world’s longest-serving female head of state, oldest living monarch, longest-reigning current monarch, and the oldest and longest-serving current head of state. She’s done a lot, just by staying alive. Aside from being immortal, she joined the Women’s Auxiliary Territorial Service during World War II serving as a mechanic and military truck driver. In 2017, she was reportedly worth £360 million. Besides wealth, she’s got a ton of places and things named after, so she might overshadow Valkyrie. 5/10.


Anne Boleyn

Queen Anne Boleyn is a former Queen of England and was the second wife of King Henry VIII. She has been called “the most influential and important queen consort England has ever had,” as she provided the occasion for Henry VIII to annul his marriage to Catherine of Aragon and declare the English church’s independence from Rome. She was a gambler and a flirt with a legendary sense of humor, but she was unpopular with the English people. King Henry VIII had Anne tried for treason in order to marry Jane Seymour. She was beheaded four days later. Despite being used as a pawn by her husband, given her gambling habits, she might not make the best queen for Valkyrie. 2/10


Cleopatra VII

Cleopatra VII Philopator is the last ruler of the Ptolemaic Kingdom of Egypt. She spoke as many as a dozen languages and was educated in mathematics, philosophy, oratory and astronomy. She was involved in the deaths of three of her siblings, so familial loyalty might not be too important to her. She also personally led several dozen Egyptian warships into battle against Rome and started a drinking society known as the “Inimitable Livers,” with Mark Antony, so fighting and partying make her a prime candidate for Valkyrie’s queen. 9/10


Tomyris

Queen Tomyris is a former Massagetae queen based in parts of modern-day Turkmenistan, Afghanistan, western Uzbekistan, and southern Kazakhstan. She is best known for leading her armies to defend against an attack by Cyrus the Great of the Achaemenid Empire. After beheading and crucifying Cyrus, shed shoved his head into a wineskin filled with human blood. Shakespeare wrote about her in his play King Henry VI. She’s even got a minor planet named after her: 590 Tomyris. Queen Tomyris is part metal and part muse, a great pairing for Valkyrie. 7/10.


Queen

Queen is one of the dopest bands of all time and if you don’t know who they are, you’re lying. They’ve sold an estimated 70 million to 300 million records and were voted the Best British Band Of All Time. Besides being a sick guitar player, Brian May is also an astrophysicist. Drummer Roger Taylor has collaborated with everyone from Elton John to Foo Fighters. Bassist John Deacon has a damselfly named after him. Freddie Mercury is Freddie fucking Mercury. The bands’ star power might overshadow Valkyrie just a bit. 5/10.


Marie Antoinette

Queen Marie Antoinette is the last queen of France and was a teen idol. At her first public appearance, 50,000 people gathered to see her, leading to 30 people being trampled to death. She’s the poster child for royal decadence and her lavish spending was partially to blame for France’s debt leading to the French Revolution. She was executed by guillotine on charges of high treason. Marie Antoinette shouldn’t be let near Asgard’s royal bank. 1/10.


Catherine The Great

Empress Catherine The Great is Russia’s longest-ruling female leader. She came to power after organizing a coup d’état to overthrow her husband Peter III. Despite how she came to power, she modernized Russia, was penpals with Voltaire, and promoted vaccines for inoculation. But despite modernizing Russia, under her reign, the conditions of serfs worsened, which led them to practically becoming slaves. She was more worried about pleasing her supporters than helping her people. 3/10.


Dairy Queen

Dairy Queen is a global brand with revenue in 2017 of $3.64 billion. Their spokestoon for years was Dennis The Menace. The company holds the record for the world’s largest ice cream cake weighing over 10 tons. The DQ Blizzard is the best ice cream idea ever. It’s so good that MC Chris wrote a song about it. The only possible negative against the company is that No Doubt’s founding members met while working at a Dairy Queen. Spiderwebs is still a banger though. 10/10


Suiko

Empress Suiko is the 33rd monarch of Japan and the country’s first woman ruler. Under her reign, Japan opened up trade relations with the Sui Dynasty of China. She’s credited with introducing the Sexegenary cycle calendar in Japan. She’s also one of the first Buddhist monarchs. She also introduced a Seventeen- article constitution (a highly Buddhist and Confucian document that focused on the morals and virtues that were to be expected of government officials and the emperor’s subjects to ensure a smooth running of the state). She took the vow of a nun, so her and Valkyrie might not see eye to eye on everything. 5/10.


Daenerys Targaryen

Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regent of the Seven Kingdoms, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons controls dragons. Doesn’t get much cooler than that. Her relationship with Valkyrie will start off really strong and slow before being rushed to a terrible ending. 6/10.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s