Top 5 Ways To Deal With Selling Out Your Morals In The Comic Book Industry

Close your eyes, dear comic fans, this is biz talk for the professionals.

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Ok now its just us. Welcome, people with poor postures and early on set arthritis! Comics is a cut throat industry filled with poor hygiene and performance artists, but you have finally managed to draw a variant cover for some event tie-in and/or the one shot to said event tie-in comic.

 

You’re in the big leagues now! Sure, no ones been reading your piece in that successful kickstarter anthology, and yeah, your miniseries at Image never finished, and ok also, Vault Comics or was it Black Mask (Editor’s Note: IDW?)  never paid you even though you nabbed a Harvey Nomination. Now that I mention it, did you ever get paid for your Kickstarter? Oof. But now you’re drawing/ writing a sexy Carnage-ized Cable and that means many opportunities to network and get on jobs with your friends/ collaborators on more Marvel or DC where people will validate your need to be noticed as a celebrity.

*Ding-dong* Uh-oh, your friend/collaborator is getting exposed as a real creep. What do you do?!

Need not worry, I have you covered with the Top 5 ways you should absolutely not go about this situation, but you’ll end up doing anyway. Because you didn’t invest your life in comics from your keen sense of good choices.

 

5. Boot Lick

Lick that boot so clean, you see your sad reflexion when you notice the hill you are choosing to die on. Sure, you may be virtue signaling on twitter right before this, but now you have to see that this very specific case is different. Now, this creep, unlike the other creeps, can help you or hey, even let you work with them on their next book. Who cares about internet points, or you know, that this creep called your entire demographic of people delusional. Money talks, and you lick.

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4.  Give Them A Public Pass For Diversity

Nothing screams forgiveness and diversity than letting people have a pass specifically because they are a poc/queer/woman/ not able bodied. Holding people that are abused in systemic structures to a lesser degree for their own abuses of power really balances out … something?

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3. Flip It

Its not your friend or collaborator, no no, it’s all the people trying to burn them at the stake! An elaborate ruse filled with espionage and conspiracy from even more wicked people. They should investigate the several victims, but just leave your friend or collaborator alone.

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2. Use Your Very Specific Relationship To Defend Every Facet Of Your Friend Or Collaborator

You’ve spent a few hours every week talking with your pal and you’re positive they have never groped or coerced you in to anything. Now that you think about it, you have never even seen them have sex. Heck, you may even not know what they are talking about, but you saw their name and you know that they are a good guy to you, so you’ll defend them blindly as you did the last time this happened.

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 1. Become Obnoxiously Diligent About Talking About Positivity and Keeping Things Positive

Why do so many people focus on the negatives of life? If everyone just indulged in the positives, they would be happy just like you. You feel so sad for them for bringing up bad things. Bad things bad! Good things good! Shh, shh, no negative energy about addressing sexual abuse or your boss monopolising on your art and stories about your identity to fund right wing foundations. Just look at this art, WOW, and look at your friend’s art, WOW. Please buy these pins and prints. Please?

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The Winner: Shut The Fuck Up Like Nothing Happened

Don’t say anything, not a goddamn word. Keep retweeting about the star war and the sonic. Post your awkward costume redesign of a company character that you ripped from the GQ Italia Twitter. (Frank Castle looks real keen in Balenciaga!) Heck, just go offline for a few months. The only thing that matters, is that you avoid talking about it at all costs. And in a few months’ time, your friend and collaborator will be a stale memory nested below the newest droves of fresh harassers and abusers.

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