DURNKIN REVEEWZ: HEROES IN CRISIS #9

*To those who do not know what they’re about to read. Well, here’s your warning. The following is just Zechs being Zechs. Grammatical errors are bound to happen you down three bottles of This Ain’t Your Dad’s Root Beer or several soft drinks mixed with Captain Morgan trying to comprehend some of the comics he reads.

Further, these reviews began originally on the Outhousers forums. Those looking for a numerical system as per my other reviews best look else. Some folk who love me blurting out raw brutally honest shit, and rather have that be on the front page. So there. You’ve been warned what you’re about to read. If anything now it’s on your head for not following the warnings above.

** Secondary warning there be spoilers in this review.

Heroes in Crisis turns out to be much like me. A good meaning story that’s horribly broken and incoherent that eventually makes you question why? What was the entire point of this comic? Other than to utterly crush the fans of Wally West? That and bring more edge to the DC universe. As if we didn’t have enough of that already.

I guess the point is the heroes of the DCU are flawed souls, and that DC is trying to be like Marvel. I mean you even have Red Tornado cracking being the Vision of this universe. So I guess this humanize them more. But isn’t that the point already why people are fans of Harley Quinn and Booster Gold? That these two are flawed human beings and that’s why they have their fans. So in a way I can see why these two were the focal points of the series, and yet– does this shake either’s status quo?

Not really. Really the only two characters changed in all of this is Poison Ivy and Wally West.

And I’m being kind with the former getting a new status quo when it really isn’t a new idea or breaking any sort of new ground. This sort of angle was brought up on during near the end of Gotham Knights comic (her getting killed off, but teasing she be reborn) and “One Year Later” (aka only Green Lantern and Superman were the only stories of it worth remembering that were good that came from it. Oh dear lord— Robin OYL!!! AAAAAAAAH!!!! ) had her return more powerful and more green.

Basically the same. Soooo– we’re back to that Ivy.

Wally really, is the true screw job here. The speech given to him by him (timey whimey hijinks) really doesn’t solve anything or bring a quota to the mental health he’s suffering thru. It’s just so ham-fisted. It feels so forced so different anti-climatic. The answer is to talk it out and in the end Wally is in a cell ALONE with NO ONE to talk it out with.

And given the today’s antics that are going on in Doomsday Clock #10. You can almost seen the retcon already being conceived by that event’s writer Geoff Johns to undo this story already. So– again what was the point? Why did a simple good idea fail so badly and just so spectacularly?

Oh sure, you could say that the idea will keep going with Wally could be getting a new ongoing or joining a certain SUICIDE SQUAD. But does that make a character fans who enjoyed him before want to read? Where nine issues were spent showing him having snapped and having to live with this? If anything else you demoralized them and anyone with actual mental health who use comics as outlets to cope an answer of “just talk it out, but hey we ain’t giving that to the person who needs it most! LOLZ!”

The even crazier thing is we’re in the ninth issue and we only get NOW confessions of heroes who weren’t the fodder for this event. The true meat that fans were actually interested in. Even the, the comic fails because you get this little worm dangled before you and then pulled because– hey it’s the final issue!!!

This comic could have been truly something. It truly could have been. With Clay Mann dishing out some insanely gorgeous art. Just that the overall message? Yeah…. It didn’t help either when this comic goes an extra few issues on a mystery that wasn’t needed. Damn Black Canary was the smartest hero in this entire comic just walking out entirely and never be seen in this awful story again.

The thing is though there are characters that could have made this work in the DCU if you just wanted to touch on the mental issues or depression that goes into being a super hero. Instead, this basically does feel like “Identity Crisis”. Something set to change something- instead it’ll be remembered for the negatives it did. Cause it sure as heck is getting that now. and will beyond This comic will be cut and looked at as a negative than any sort of positive it tried to do.

This really does reek of that tried and true method DC used in that era too. For all they wanted was shock value and fuck good writing or characters to root for. There is barely anything here to root for. Just headaches, an urge to drink, and the satisfaction that this is the final issue of this comic I have to look at. I can bury it in the backyard. Forget it’s existence. And just open a Geoff Johns Flash Omnibus or a Mark Waid-written Flash comic and just forget this entire mess.

Cause I forgot this comic already. Or that could be the alcohol. Or just that I’ve read too many BAAAAD DC stories and what’s one more awful one going to do? Hopefully, a writer handles this subject in a better light because boy howdy did this one implode badly.

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